The Struggles Of Life And Keeping A Balance | abrikliving.com
February 22, 2019
Do you ever feel time is passing you by and you just can’t seem to get ahead? That feeling of barely keeping your head above water. Let’s have a conversation about that today…
When I got up today, I had every intention of posting this great recipe I’ve been trying to write for the past two weeks. But, as I’ve learned with blogging, even with a months worth of plans there’s a big chance things won’t happen the way you set them up on your calendar.
The same goes for life, things don’t always go as planned. This is something that I struggle with because naturally, I’m a planner. I like to plan ahead and be prepared for my day, week, or month. So, when things don’t work out I feel frustrated because of all the time I put in planning.
I think it’s easy to say oh well let it go, things happen. But, even though I know this, it doesn’t take away from how I feel about it sometimes.
In other words, balancing a blog, going to school, and other aspects of life have been a struggle for me lately. It feels even if I do my best to plan and manage my time, there’s something coming at me from all sides of life right now.
Do you ever feel that way?
For example, this week I had an 18 page paper due for school. I planned a week in advance, spent 4 whole days working on it on top of research, and barely finished in time. However, there were technical issues out of my control and I turned my paper in nearly 2 hours late. I cried.
I had major anxiety, I freaked out because our instructor said she wouldn’t accept late work. Because of that, all these things were going through my head. I was thinking I’d have to restart my program, I’m failing out of school, how horrible I felt. My mind goes to the worst places.
I felt frustrated because after all the work I put in, it still didn’t turn out right. What could I have done differently?
Truth is probably nothing. But the way I think, that’s not an answer I like to accept. I always think I can do more, it’s my fault I didn’t plan correctly or I should’ve started working on this assignment sooner. That still wouldn’t take away from the fact that things happened out of my control. I did my best and that’s really all we can do sometimes.
With school swallowing my life this week that means other things had to be put aside including the blog. But how can you put things aside when both feel equally as important?
I want to consistently post great content because it is something that I truly enjoy. Blogging has brought me so much happiness, and has been an excellent outlet for creativity and to connect with others.
But even blogging isn’t easy. There have been many 3am nights trying to figure out the tech side of maintaining a website (something I knew nothing about before this). I’ve felt frustrated, have shed quite a few tears, and most of all have put immense pressure on myself.
When I set out to do something I want to complete it to the best of my ability. My Tata always told me if you’re going to do something, do it right and with the best intentions because that’s the only way it’s worth doing at all.
He was one of the hardest workers I know, he passed away when I was 15. I miss him often, but I am thankful he taught and showed me what a strong work ethic looks like.
However, I tend to be an over achiever. I sometimes take examples like my Tata and tell myself ok I have to do my best ALL the time. And that’s just not realistic.
So, when I plan to write 2 posts per week for the blog, stay on top of my homework, keep a tidy home, make dinner most nights, and it doesn’t balance out…I feel defeated.
I mostly wanted to share the true struggles this week because although I love organizing and food as you may know, I also greatly value honesty.
Truthfully it has been hard for me to balance life lately. It feels no matter which way I turn, it’s just not working out.
Pride aside, the struggle is real. If you have felt this way at all recently, I want you to know you are not alone.
I don’t want to let anyone down, especially myself. But with that outlook that’s a lot of pressure for one person. I take all the burden on myself. But this is why my faith is so important to me because it reminds me that I am not alone.
My husband Eric was the one that told me I should share how I feel. He reminded me I don’t have to have it together all the time. And that it’s important to share these things too because other people might be feeling the same way.
I am thankful to have a great support system and I need to trust that it will all work out the way it’s supposed to.
It’s times like this I must remember to show myself some love, and know that I really am doing the best I can. As a result, I’ve got to take a step back, put plans aside and let God guide me.
I do know one thing for sure is that I’m not one to give up.
I cry, get upset, and feel down, but in the back of my mind I know I will keep going.
So back to what happened with my school paper, I wrote my teacher explaining what happened in hopes she would still accept it…she did :). I am beyond grateful! I like to think it had to do with me communicating and being honest with her.
This class has been my hardest so far, I’m having trouble understanding the information, therefore it’s taking me longer to complete my assignments. That’s hard for me to say because it makes me feel dumb. I have moments where I feel insecure because it’s like I’m surrounded by people in my class who seem to know so much and here I am working my butt off to understand and still struggling.
I am realizing that I just need to learn to accept that this class is not my strong point, and that’s ok. Above all, self-love is about positivity and acceptance, not allowing our fears and insecurities to get the best of us. I know if I let my mind race it will be going FOREVER with so many negative possibilities and outcomes.
Metaphorically right now, I’m not the greatest swimmer, but I’m slowly learning to paddle the waters and balancing all the new things happening in my life.
Also, I think I’m out of the honeymoon phase of the excitement that comes with starting something new. With school and blogging the real work is setting in to maintain a balance and keep things going. But mostly putting in the work to have a better relationship with myself no matter what life brings.
I believe the only way I can genuinely spread positivity and share my passion of blogging and writing with others is to work from the inside out.
So this is to say if you have been feeling the struggles of life lately, it’s ok, me too.
We can learn to paddle the waters together and pretty soon we’ll be taking laps! I don’t like the process of learning how to walk, I’m the one that wants to crawl then run. That’s another reason my faith is so important to me because it reminds me that the process of learning in life is just as important as the beginning and end results.
I plan to keep going and live life to the fullest, because at the end of the day joy is what matters most. Creating memories, sharing experiences, and eating good food are more important than the fear and anxiety that try stop us. That’s not what defines who we are.
So it’s a work in progress, I’m learning as I go, especially to give myself a break along the way. Life is teaching me many lessons right now and I’m slowly starting to listen. It may take me some time but I will learn.
I’m not just going to tip my head back barely paddling in the water so I don’t drown. Instead, I plan to swim with confidence to reach the goals I’ve set for myself.
I can see a future where I’ve got a balance of things, I’m in a groove, and moving on to the next lesson life has to offer. If I can listen and learn to get through these struggles I believe that you can too.